I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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