maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
