I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
