Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
