is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
