To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
