1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
