There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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