You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
