did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
