Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
