are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
