hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
