Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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