why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Shame is for Republicans.
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