Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
