dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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