'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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