you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
