We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
