6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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