She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
