I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
