Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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