so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
