you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
