i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
