Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
