I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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