Sponge bath it is.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
