Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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