look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
