took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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