she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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