I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
