He disabled his match.com account in front of me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
