Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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