I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
