You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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