I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
