Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
