can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
