U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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