just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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