pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
