she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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