can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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