Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i love accidental penises.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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