Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
