I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
