please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
